Is this it?

At this time of my life, I tend to not know where my life is heading, fuck I don't even know where to begin to fix what has been broken. Life recently has been tough, confusing and stressful all the same.

I am not the one to go into details most especially if it is to do with my personal life but I will give you this much, I am not in the position to write whatever it is that you are about to read. I am not in a clear head space and there is no guarantee that everything written below is something that I can carryout myself.

In the past few days, I found myself pulling down my sleeves to cover what is not for the public eyes to be seen, afraid of being judged for being weak. I found myself driving and not knowing where I am going. I found myself afraid of one person, myself.

I have never felt so trapped and alone all at once. I feel like I found all the reason to not go through life anymore. I feel like I have reached my limit, my end, I can't find reasons to fight anymore. I am having trouble convincing myself that there is always reason to go on with life. My faith is slowly but surely vanishing, anyone I try to run for help either makes the situation worse, I get them involved in the problem or they just genuinely not care.

You know what's worse? In this time of my life, a lot of friends and family had shown me so much love and support throughout and STILL I feel alone. I can't find reasons to stay, I can't find the downside of me not being in other people's lives.

I can't seem to find the person who always had so much courage to face the next day with a smile, the person who simply loved the feeling that the night lights brings to her heart and the calmness that the nature brings to her. It seems that I may have lost that person in search for answers as to how I can find a way to make everyone happy.

I am afraid that the person who has the ability to end it all is the person who I believed in the most, myself.