Time will always bring changes

I have always been taught by my parents to always be mindful of my actions and make sure that whatever it is that I do, I must always make sure that I am not hurting or stepping on anyone's toe along the process. To always choose kindness no matter what the situation is because that way, it shows your depth of understanding and self worth.

If you're unfortunate enough to have spent an ample amount of time with me, you would've have realized a couple of things already.

1. I can be loud and crazy even without a drop of alcohol in my system

2. I say "sorry" excessively

All my life, when meeting new people, I always have to run my sentences twice in my head to make sure that it will not come across as rude or misinterpreted somehow. Growing up, even up until now really, I was always told to never do something that will either put our family's name into shame or anything that would direct a gossip to our family. As a member of our family, I must, no matter what, protect the integrity and our reputation at whatever cost.

I loved how I was raised by my parents, they have been nothing but great role models, may it be how I interact with others and how I tackle problems that comes my way. I learned how to be humble and to not take credits for other people's hard work, to treat everyone with kindness and to always see the good in everyone. I learned the importance of having privacy and not letting the whole world know about your personal life may it be success or pain. As a woman, I must always act accordingly and dress appropriately so that people will respect me. I was raised and disciplined how a young Filipina would have been disciplined in my parents generation, I did not mind it at all, until recently.

I have always been a keen listener and a follower, but there's one thing that I did not take into account. Nothing stays the same, my generation will never be the same as my parent's generation. People's views and opinions on certain matters changes.

-------------------------x---------------x

But this generation is slowly but surely swallowing me alive. When I was younger, I was never taught that your kindness towards an opposite sex will likely be misinterpreted as flirting. I was never advised that being too kind to others may lead to you being manipulated and taken advantaged of. I was never told that it is okay to have opinions no matter how different it may be compared to others.

I am that stage of my life where I can only think of what people may say not to me but towards my family. I can only think of how my parents would feel I did something my way, rather than their way. I am afraid of leaving the house to build a life for myself and grow myself as an individual because I don't want my parents to think that I am sick of them.

I can't stand my ground. I can't make a decision on my own. I always needed someone's approval. I always needed someone's affirmation. I always wanted someone's confirm that what I am doing is good.

This past few weeks, I am overwhelmed with the amount of things I had to deal on my own and I try to run in every direction to pull someone in to help me get through it, but I guess this is what experiences are made out of, to learn from. I find it genuinely difficult to get through this alone but before I can offer myself to the world, I must first learn how to stand on my own two feet otherwise, I am not worthy to start this new journey.

One of my greatest realization recently is that I have to really learn to stand up on my two feet before I am able to begin building a life of my own. I can't always have someone walking me through it all, whether it may be a friend, or family member or a lover, inevitably, they will come and go.

To learn to stand up for yourself, what you believe in and what you know is best for you is the best gift you'll be able to give to yourself.