Unbearable Pain

Is it really ok for us to feel this much pain?

When we’re hurting, we sometimes feel like we shouldn’t be because there are so many reasons out there not to be, we sometimes feel like we’re such downers that we can’t pull ourselves up from all the pain we’re feeling. You know what is worse? It is when you have the people you love and trusted making you feel as if the pain you’re feeling within is not valid, as if its something that you can immediately vanish at your own command and will, as if its something that you can turn on and off. It is more than okay but be ware, narrow minded people will judge you for it.

Is this something that we can stop at our own will?

What people don’t know is that it’s more than the pain that you’re having trouble trying to contain but also the thoughts that’s flooding your head. It’s a constant battle with your head and to have your head take control over you is something that we cannot control. You can’t just ask us to stop what were feeling inside and please don’t ask that of anyone because if there’s a choice not to feel the pain, we would’ve chosen that a long long time ago.

These people goes through so much pain that you can barely imagine, it is beyond our comprehension so please stop asking us if we can "stop feeling like this even for a little while". I know its hard having to listen to people who tells you to just “suck it up”, “you’ll be alright” or “Its just your mind, you can easily over come it.” If you have the chance and the guts, tell them to f*ck off otherwise you have two options - you learn the art of ignoring them or taking it all in and live with it.

How do I explain my feelings to others?

Now you see, whatever pain and internal battles you may be having at the moment, you don’t need anyone to tell you that your feelings are valid, that its ok or not ok to feel that way. All you really need is to see how you are handling it yourself. Are you having trouble keeping it all in? I’m sure we always have that one friend we can always run to. Whoever it may be, I beg you, do not keep it all in. I have been in that situation and God only knows how many close calls I’ve been through. I beg you to approach someone, whether it may be a close friend or your mother or father or even your sibling, it will not stop the pain, and you will still have that constant internal battle within your head but it will ease the load. It is such a great feeling knowing that you have someone you can run to when nothing seems to make sense.

Who do I approach and whom do I avoid?

Constantly remember those who truly love you. People around you will always claim that they are madly in love with you and you are their world but only a few people truly cares about you. They may say that they love you but take note, people who loves you will not choose to hurt you, for them, it should not even be an option no matter what you’ve gone through. Our strengths may also be our weakness, and its something that we constantly battle on the daily. If they love you, they will not intentionally hurt your or worse, break you.

Sometimes, our love is so strong that no matter how much we're hurting inside, we still choose them. We choose to hurt because we believe they still deserve to be loved because they are just humans who makes mistakes, consistently. We choose to die inside so we can help them live a happier and comfortable life. Reading that through, how unfair does that sound to you? Do not rule out giving second chances from your list but if it’s a cycle of constant heartaches and the cause of that pain you’re feeling, I suggest you let go. The longer you stay, the more you are at risk most especially if you start having suicidal thoughts. As harsh as this may sound, you’re slowly but surely digging your own grave.

Do I really need to pretend that I am okay in front of other people?

Oh baby, I wish I myself knows the answer to that but I only have the one and genuine answer, yes. As much as we feel like all hell let loose inside us, we still have to pull a smile and greet people and have fun! You know, over the time, the more I convince myself that I am happy, the more I am actually starting to feel that maybe I really am happy! Because I have been doing it for so long now, I can’t even remember difference whether I am still convincing myself that I am happy, or I am now genuinely happy. I can’t quite determine between the two but it does the job for me. If you feel the need to be alone, then be alone to recollect yourself, its perfectly okay. You don’t have to explain to anyone, do whatever you are comfortable doing.

When you feel like you’ve lost your purpose, what do you do?

Just live, my love. Please, I just need you to live and see the sun shine again tomorrow and watch the stars twinkle at night. I just need you to smile, no matter how much it hurts, please pull a smile. I just need you to believe that somewhere out there, you will find love, genuine love. In these troubling times, I know it seems like love is nowhere to be found but there is LOVE, as long as there is YOU! Live and breathe and love.

Some people thinks it’s the easiest thing to do here on earth, they will criticise you no matter what you do but they don’t have to understand you, you don’t need to listen to them, but listen to your heart beating. That is what matters most.

As long as you can hear that heart beating, as painful as it may be but as long as it is beating, that is what matters most. When there is you, there is hope. Believe in that, believe in yourself.